Bucket List + Passion =

When I lost my grandfather to Cancer and Alzheimer's it changed me! How my brilliant, healthy, active grandpa could be taken down by these diseases was beyond my comprehension. My grandfather... Julian R. West of the Defense Department of the United States, held multiple degrees, multiple Black Belts, and could do a standing back flip well into his 70s (maybe even when he was 80). My grandfather worked at the Pentagon and traveled all over the world. When he retired from that he was a Professor at UCLA and a Professional Photographer, still traveling all over the world, to photograph all things beautiful and create the most wonderful slide shows to share it all with others! He was a member of the YMCA, working out and sponsoring others til the day he passed. I adored him. And had good reason to. Not just because he was my grandpa who took me fishing as a little girl and taught me all about nature. Not just because he fed squirrels on his desk at his home office in Alexandria, Virginia, and always called me in to sit quietly and watch these interactions... But, he was a generous, kind, brilliant man and worthy of being adored. I could not understand how this man, my grandpa, could be taken by Cancer and Alzheimer's Disease. 

So, my "purpose" in life shifted to studying medicine, healing, reversing any and all autoimmune disorders, changing the course of genetic and inherited causes. My passion was on full tilt and I was going to find cures for everything and help everyone and make damn sure my daughter never ever got any of these things I was aware of!

I wasn't completely delusional. I knew I couldn't single-handedly cure everything and save the whole world. But I was absolutely determined to save my daughter and as many others as possible.

Okay, so I may have been a little delusional. I was over 40 when I went back to school and plunged myself into my purpose to cure disease. I didn't have a specific focus -- People AND Animals! Western AND Eastern Medicine! Main Stream AND Alternative AND Complementary! I wanted to have ALL the answers! My grandfather passed on to me a bright mind and an overwhelming NEED to KNOW and UNDERSTAND! Along with my own huge compassion and my passion to FIX. HEAL. CURE!  

What my grandfather did not pass on to me, unfortunately, was his realistic, down-to-earth, "common sense". Without my grandpa to guide me and keep me grounded in the realities of life, to navigate the tough terrain and help me with all the obstacles... I crashed and burned! Oh, I did great in College. I got A's and was on The Dean's List. I found out I was much smarter than I remembered. And I totally loved it. I loved studying and learning! So, you would think I was on the right path and this Chapter would have a happy ending. If you don't already know this story... well... I'll just wrap it up with this -- For reasons I can't talk about at this time, my "purpose" and my passion for healing, curing disease, finding all the answers, became just a shattered dream. Well... of course it did. Because I was an idealistic, passionate, slightly delusional, scarred woman with a high IQ and no "common sense" (so to speak). There is a saying that describes me perfectly: "Book Smart and People Stupid". 

Yep. 

You know those people with genius IQs that have little or no understanding of people and the way others think. I can relate. I never knew any of this about myself growing up though. I didn't know everyone else doesn't think like me! I was told my compassion was my greatest strength and my greatest weakness. What? So... anyway... you get the picture. Now, where was I going with this? Passion... Purpose... Bucket List...?

How many times can a person have the rug yanked out from under them, get beat with it.. have their hopes and dreams crushed... be stabbed in the back... knocked down and kicked while they're down... Betrayal? Life Lessons? Karma? 

Well... No matter how many times, you gotta get back up if you can. You gotta lick your wounds and take some time to recover. You will naturally protect yourself, you can't help it. You will get jaded. You can't help that either. But, if you keep focusing on what is the truth of who you are at your very core... You can survive and you can recover and you can heal and you can get back up again. Hopefully you've learned something of value and you don't repeat it. You breathe and you put your shoes on and you put one foot in front of the other and you walk again.

But... while you're down... you have time to really think! You have time to go over all that you've experienced, both good and bad. You can learn from it. And that's what I did. I took every single awful and painful experience, every moment, and looked for the lesson in it. That's a lot of lessons! Whew! I wrote it all down. I've disposed of so many journals, notebooks, stacks of paper. I never counted them. When I was done with them I would burn them or they'd go in a dumpster. I would vow to be a new, improved, person having learned all these lessons! I would never have a "dream" again and I would never get hurt again and my "passion"... passion only gets you hurt. 

But --- 

What is in your Soul and what you were born to do is in your DNA. You can turn away from your heart's desire. You can turn off passion. You can shut it down, but your DNA doesn't change. Your broken dreams can be in pieces all around you and you can cut yourself picking them up, but somewhere in there is your DNA and it is a scientific fact that your DNA is your individual code. Your very own, unique, authentic blueprint for life. So... fast forward > The life-changing, mind-altering, heart-breaking, soul-crushing events and experiences have left those idealistic and irrational dreams in pieces all around me.. I leave them there and turn to walk away. One of those pieces is stuck to me. I'm afraid of touching it. It will cut me, I'm sure of that. But it is sticking to me. I try to shake it off and it won't get off of me! Stupid piece! I try to pick it up but when I touch it I have a panic attack! My heart has a mind of its own and a really good memory! So... I leave the piece where it is. It stays! And for a while... years... it stays right there. Stuck to me. I've been able to ignore it and carry on.

 Do you want to know what happens? 

Here it is ~ 

It's all in the DNA. The overwhelming need I have to know and understand things is in my DNA. The overpowering desire to learn is also in there. And the things my grandfather handed down to me... in my DNA. My love for nature and the way my grandmother showed me to look at things, to really see them and appreciate it... in my DNA. The lack of understanding about people and human nature... also in my DNA. Compassion - DNA. Love chocolate, cheese and wine - DNA.  Hate snakes - DNA. Book Smart, People Stupid... yep, it's right there in my DNA. But what's ALSO in that DNA is... passion. 

Passion is what your Soul craves. What drives your mind to think and your heart to feel. When you've been broken and think you have no passion, it is just dormant while you need to recover. But there's a piece stuck to you somewhere. 

The definition of Bucket List is "A wish list of things to do before you kick the bucket"... And if you want to know what your passion is - start a Bucket List!

It may be a list of places you want to visit or things you want to do or experiences you want to live out, or animals you want to see. It may be a list of foods you want to eat, wines you want to drink, meals you want to cook. It may be a list of things you want to photograph or paint or carve. It may be a list of all these things... But... I promise you...

You will find your passion and maybe even your "purpose" in there. Because your own personal Bucket List is in your DNA. And that piece that's stuck to you will never leave. Get over it! Make peace with it. Take your time... Life is just that --- Life! That piece is along for the ride, however long it takes. If you get cut on it, you will bleed. Clean the wound, put a Band Aid on it and learn from it. When you've recovered and you can do it, take another look at that piece. It's not going anywhere.

My piece... the one that stuck to me and kept cutting me... It is my love of nature, especially animals, and my need to take pictures of them. Photography has been my nemesis. It has given me panic attacks and so much pain. But it is in my DNA. I love animals! I genuinely love children, and people, in general, too but my experiences have jaded me. That's reality. I adore nature. But my Bucket List... that's where I know what my purpose is! And you know what's NOT on it?

Finding a cure to anything or saving anyone! Learning... Yes! Understanding... Definitely! But the curing and the saving of the world is not up to me. That's on someone else's Bucket List. That's in someone else's DNA. And I'm okay with that... 

Now.

I Have RA

I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.

 The Reactive Inflammatory variety. 

I was diagnosed in 1988 when I was 27 years old. My prognosis was that I would probably be in a wheelchair by the time I was 40 because I had been a dancer, competitive gymnast and fast-pitch softball catcher (played Semi-Pro) all my life, so my knees had been worked hard my whole life. But I didn't accept that prognosis. I was determined to get my healthy body back. I always have been an outdoor-loving, very athletic and very active "tomboy" type of girl. I rode motorcycles, water-skied, snow-skied, loved boating, camping, hiking. I was not willing to give up any of it. I had a bone-density scan that showed my bones were 125% strong! That means my bones were more than 100% dense! My Rheumatologist said my athletic lifestyle had built up my bones and that was a really good thing. But... RA is a degenerative, progressive disease and I had it. Plain and simple. Well... I researched everything. I studied Medical Journals. I READ everything I could get my hands on. I studied Nutrition and Psychology and Immunology and Relaxation Therapy and Art Therapy and Meditation and all things related to health and healing. I did it all. Some things work, some don't. I know for sure that emotional stress/distress is the number 1 factor in immune/autoimmune function. But LIFE is not easy.

 I did a really good job of  LIVING WITH the RA and keeping it under control for 25 years even through some pretty rough times. But in 2012 my doctor told me that it had progressed to a new level and what had always worked for me before was no longer working. She has been telling me for as long as I've been a patient that she knows I "always get better" whenever I have had a flare. She had so much confidence in me that I felt optimistic most of the time and it gave me hope that I would continue to overcome it. Realistically, sometimes I was knocked down with it and in so much pain that I did feel defeated, but I always bounced back and recovered. 

However... it is a progressive, degenerative disease and after 27 years it has taken its toll. When I moved to Illinois I had a job lined up with a Rheumatologist. Sounds perfect right? To be working for a rheumatologist and have insurance again would be perfect! But it didn't go perfectly at all and when I realized she was being sued for Malpractice we parted ways. I tried to get another job but with my RA getting worse and worse it was not happening. I had to apply for Disability. Last month I had 14 x-rays taken and I was told they showed Arthritis damage in both knees, both hips, my back and my neck. They didn't even look at my hands and feet. Tomorrow I am having an MRI of both knees. I have an appointment with a new Rheumatologist here in Illinois at the end of this month. I am hopeful that I will be able to get some help and relief from this but I have accepted the reality of it also. I have arthritic damage in most of my joints now and the disease affects the organs as well. The fatigue is often debilitating and fighting it just is not the way to go anymore. 

I have been advised by my attorney that Social Security looks at all social media and even email so I am making it clear that I have nothing to hide. I have been living with my boyfriend who is supportive and helps me through every day. On his days off he takes me out for drives. We see nature and wildlife and love it all.

I don't know if I will be able to keep doing this blog. My hands don't work all the time and I don't know what is coming. 

The Things We See ... Swans, Turkeys, Eagle vs Squirrel, Raccoon ...

Fresh snow... the sun is shining.
The lake has disappeared into the whiteness.

We are heading out to see whatever we see.

Here we go ~ 

First we head down to the Dam to see if the Bald Eagles are still here and maybe see the Herons, Pelicans, and whatever else...

We only saw a couple of Bald Eagles.

But we watched an amazing interaction between a Bald Eagle and a squirrel...

This crazy brave squirrel came face to face with this eagle. The squirrel ran up the tree above the eagle and looked down on him. The squirrel ran all around the eagle and the eagle just looked at him. Then the squirrel ran off. We were in awe as we watched and Richard got this photo.

There were no Herons, Pelicans or anything else so we headed up the River.

There are alot of these "camps" along the river but they are mostly only used during the Summer.

We weren't seeing any wildlife so we headed back to the main road.

I asked Richard to stop here so I could take this picture and I saw the eagles in the tree...

These 3 eagles were the only ones we saw in the area.

It looks like eagle season is coming to an end.

We headed back over the levee and across the "bottoms"...

We slowly snuck up (in the Subaru) on these "Redheads" to get some pictures.

I took this photo of a female surrounded by her male harem...

And then they flew off...

We decided to go further up north to the "Ursa Bottoms" and down to the River where I had not been yet. 

This is what it looked like...

But I thought I could see something out there...

And then we saw them...

SWANS!

Trumpeter Swans! in the harvested cornfields...

There were several families ~

I could have stayed there for hours taking pictures of them but we were just stopped on the road so we had to get moving.

A little further down the road we saw more...

This little family was much closer to the road so we were able to see them better and get better photos.

There were 4 youngsters, cygnets, and their parents.

Trumpeter Swans were hunted to the brink of extinction.

To see these Wild Trumpeter Swan families out in the cornfields was awesome!

We hated to leave but there was more to see...

We drove on... 

Taking the roads less traveled ~

Do you see the hawk on the pole?

We saw something else out in the cornfield and realized it was a raccoon. 

The poor thing was limping badly without using it's left hind leg.

 Richard was able to get these photos of it and when it looked at us 

we could see it was pretty beat up... it's poor little ears were really torn up. 

We watched it hobble off into the woods.

We continued down the road and spotted something ...

We couldn't tell what it was at first...

I looked through the lens and got it into focus ~ 

Haha! A CHICKEN! 

A couple of labbies came out to tell us we were not allowed to trespass on their property...

We let them know we respected their demands and they respectfully retreated.

I think this looks like a giant centipede...

It even has antennae :) 

We were really surprised to see even more SWANS!

There were so many we couldn't get them all in one picture. I counted 37?
Wow!
How awesome is that?
We saw probably 50-60 Wild Trumpeter Swans out in the harvested cornfields.
And that wasn't the end...

 This beauty was perched on one of those "centipedes" right next to the road.

We started heading back toward home on the highway and I saw my first
Wild Turkeys!

I hope to see more when it is sunny and we can get better pictures.
They are really pretty.
~
We were almost home and I was packing up the cameras when we spotted a large, beautiful,
 Red Tail Hawk perched on the fence post. Richard slowed down and I got out the camera. The hawk flew off but landed on a post just down the road. We got as close as we could and I focused the camera... Richard said "Wait... here comes another one!" Suddenly the second hawk swooped in and took over the post. This is the picture I got ~

The first hawk is flying toward us and the second one has taken over the post.
I guess we know whose territory this is!
What a great day!
It's always an adventure.
We are always surprised and we are always thrilled.
We share these adventures with all of you because we want everyone to appreciate the wildlife that is still here. Like the Trumpeter Swans and Bald Eagles that have both been on the brink of extinction.
Thank you for reading and following us.
I have changed the Facebook page to P and R Photography
https://www.facebook.com/pages/P-and-R-Photography/629150070438274?ref=hl

Much More Than Eagles

 Richard got a new camera to photograph the Bald Eagles.

But there is so much more beauty and wildlife to appreciate and photograph.

We went back to the River at the Lock and Dam.

The River was not frozen any more and there was no snow. 

Just some floating ice and a few Bald Eagles.
It was the Great River Bald Eagles Days so the viewing platform was open for us...

This is Lock and Dam 21. The Bald Eagles are on the other side of the Dam.

In this photo there are eagles perched on logs on the side of the dam and a few on ice.
Looking closer it appears this is the "Nursery"

And they were all taking baths

This is the Lock... where boats go through the Dam.

There is an eagle sitting on the ice ...

We watched the eagles from the platform for a while but there were too many people and too much noise so the eagles didn't come close.

 We saw this one catch a fish ... which is in it's talons in the next photo ~

  We went back every day and since there was no snow we were able to walk down to the edge of the River and get some beautiful pictures.

In the background of this picture is the Bridge.
While Richard was taking pictures of the eagles I was getting pictures of the Bridges.

Richard got some really amazing photos of the Bald Eagles...

And I took pictures of the River.

Am I the only one who sees a heart in that reflection?

That is Richard sitting on the rocks getting photos of eagles in the trees.

~

Do you see a tree... or a head? ...

Once you see the head you can't "un-see" it ... lol. (The roots are the hair)

Isn't this one of the most beautiful pictures you've ever seen? 

But I also love the herons and they were there too.
We watched as one dove into the water to catch a fish...

And swallowed it whole...

And fly off...

And with his new camera Richard got this beautiful photo...

It's been quite an experience to see the herons and the eagles sharing the trees.

I sat and watched this young Bald Eagle for a long time waiting to get a picture of him in flight. Richard walked up close to him and he just sat there watching us...

 Finally...

We were intrigued by these "ducks" (?) ...

Common Merganser
With brown heads and "bad hair" feathers. They swim around with their faces underwater.
And they run on the water when they take off...

We've been able to watch the eagles bathe...

He jumped in and out of the water here rinsing off his talons... And he was communicating with another eagle.
We have also been able to watch them clean their beaks...

Sometimes they are just funny...

Apparently they don't all like to share their branch

We feel so lucky to be able to see and photograph all these things.
We are learning so much about the Bald Eagles and all of nature.

And when the sun goes down there are the incredible sunsets...

So that is the end of January.

~

I am putting all of our photos on Patty Hagedorn Photography in albums.
If you want to see more of the Bald Eagles, the Herons, the Mississippi River,
and the world around us go to
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Patty-Hagedorn-Photography/629150070438274?ref=hl